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I’m taking an online course with Rachelle Mee-Chapman called Power Stories:tips and tales for standing in your own power. I won’t be blogging everything, but I felt the need to put this assignment out there for others.
In today’s assignment, she asks these questions:
“Where do you feel grounded? What makes you feel strong? Who most supports you when you stand in your own power? What are *8Things that make you feel powerful?”
So here are mine:
1. Doing “deep thinking” with someone who challenges my thinking and way of looking at things.
2. Making an unexpected connection with someone I’m supporting.
3. Learning something new that makes me think.
4. Seeing the connections between people and ideas.
5. Sharing what I’ve learned with someone else.
6. Writing and finding myself “in the flow.”
7. Seeing new possibilities for my life and myself in a powerful state.
8. Dressing in a way that looks like the image of myself in that powerful state.
Caring for others is easy. Caring for myself is not. Some days I do it better than others. I believe that if I don’t care for myself, though, I’ll shrivel up and blpw away. I wonder if self care is the breeze that gently moves a pinwheel. Are there messages from the wind of self care that will help me find my way? I believe the answer is yes. So I say yes–yes to self care, yes to the wind, YES TO LIFE!!!
I’m learning that the unconscious plays a bigger part in what happens in my life than I think. Lately I’ve been making a conscious effort to change my life. I’ve been trying to stop playing small and be the person I’m supposed to be–the person I know deep down I am. But somehow here I still sit. Nothing has changed, and I’m wondering why I keep sabotaging myself.
My unconscious self is trying to keep me from succeeding. Why?
At the same time, there’s something in my subconscious that knows the truth. Something knows that this will change one day. Something knows who I really am. It’s just waiting for the rest of me to catch up.
What is the role of the unconscious? Apparently it’s to confuse me….
What do I believe about politics? I always believed that there were two things you didn’t talk about in public–religion and politics. Looking back on that belief from a distance, I know now that part of the reason for it was that I had such radically different beliefs from most of the people I knew. I come from South Carolina, and the more conservative you are in South Carolina, the better. But boy, that suit never fit me. I found myself asking questions that I’d never dare speak out loud. Every once in a while, I’d read something that let me know that there were others like me. The question was finding them.
Through some really weird chain of events I wound up moving to Canada. Even though the “conservatives” are in charge and there doesn’t seem to be much hope of that changing here, I find kindred spirits who believe that politics can make a difference. There are people who are in it for the good of the people, not just the status quo. There aren’t many of us–or at least it doesn’t seem like it at election time. But I know they’re out there, and I know our time will come. Patience is everything in politics–you can’t change it from the outside. You have to understand what is going on and take responsibility for your part in it.
Politics isn’t just left to the politicians. It’s the responsibility of all of us who care.
OK, this is definitely a sore spot with me right now. Yesterday when I was working with the man who has paranoid schizophrenia, he was angry with me for some things. He had a perfect right to be angry, but for some reason his anger felt like a personal attack. When I finally left him and his girlfriend, I got in the car and cried. We stopped at Subway, and I cried. I came home, and I cried. I cried for an hour before I finally started to calm myself down. His girlfriend called to apologize for him–it turned out he hadn’t taken his meds on time that afternoon. I listened to the message and nodded my head. I understood. When he called to apologize himself, I said all the right understanding things and said I’d see him on Monday.
So why is it that even after all is said and done, I still feel shattered inside? Why is one outburst such a big deal?
I believe that the only opinions of ourselves that we take in from others are the ones that match what we think of ourselves. I took the things he said to heart because I believe them to be true. Otherwise, I would have moved on by now. If he had said I was a caring, supportive “staff,” I wouldn’t have believed him. I only believed him because I knew that I hadn’t been there for him the way I should have been. The problem isn’t the way he feels about me–it’s the way I feel about myself.
So what do I do with that?
Well, this is an odd topic. Nutrition has never been my strong suit. There were only a few veggies I would eat when I was a kid, and most of them were beans and the other potatoes. I’m learning as an adult that one way I can feel better about myself is to pay attention to what I eat. My diet is still not particularly health-conscious, but I now eat weird things like broccoli (“little trees”) and cucumbers. I read labels to see what is in the food I eat, at least more often than not. I’ve come a long way, maybe not far enough, but enough to make me feel a bit better about the way I care for my body.